State of the Shelanman

I entered the gym, and encountered a rack of T-shirts, gym shorts, protein bars, and even CDs for sale. I approach the desk and announce: "I would like to join your gym. How much does this cost?" I didn't care too much about touring the facility, I was expecting a mediocre gym with a decent selection of equipment, but all I really needed was a reasonable workout environment near work.

I should have been an easy sale -- I was convinced already that this particular gym was the absolute best on the planet (for my needs) solely based on its location. I was seriously interested in joining, and was prepared to do so on the spot, that day, if only the price were right.

The salesman, Jason, I believe his name was, gave me a truly pathetic tour of the gym. He knew what to show me, but not what to say about it (in his defense, it was his 1st week working at the gym, but still). Then he drags me over to a desk with a computer whose monitor faces away from me, and drags out the price book. He asks if I care whether or not my membership is good at all 24 Hour Fitness locations, or just the one I was in. I didn't care, so he showed me the "plans" for 1 gym only.

As an aside, I wish to spend a few words saying that I think it is pathetic that something like a gym membership needs to be as grossly overcomplicated as a cellular telephone plan. Do I need different plans and packages for a gym? I just want to pay X dollars a month, and be able to use the gym whenever (and however) I choose.

Anyway, back to the pitch. The short version is that I had 2 choices: Pay $178 to join, plus $31.99 a month for all eternity, or pay "Only" $98 to join, and $41.99 a month. Incidentally, its only $22.98 a month to join all the 24 Hour Fitness gyms, but that costs approximatley $600 to start! Upon hearing these obscene prices, I left.

Five days later I returned, figuring that I could try and negotiate a better deal for myself. I met an excellent salesman. He tried to convince me that the $600 to start plan was a good deal, and then when he saw I wasn't interested, showed me the $799 to start, no dues for 3 years plan. He let the personal trainer spend a half hour talking to me (the $799 plan included 4 1-hour training sessions). Ultimately, we negotiated a deal that was satisfactory. $79 to start, $31.99 a month (but only if I "signed up today").

I agreed, and handed over my credit card. As the salesman was typing my credit card number into his computer the manager comes over and informs me that I can't have the deal. Instead, I can pay an extra $50 to start, or an extra $7 per month. I told the manager that he was halfway done losing his sale. He replied "This isn't a sale! I don't sell anything! This is about getting in shape." Uh-huh, right... if this isn't a sale, why are you selling so hard? Mr. Manager then informs me that if I don't take his deal the poor salesman who I've been working with is likely to get punished.

Finally he asks me why I can't cough up an extra $50. I tell him in very simple terms: I'm handing over $80 in "processing fees" plus 2 months dues ($64, making the total $144), and all he has to do is punch my name into the system and give me a pass or whatever they use... hardly a fair trade as it is. His response was truly special: "Well... I... I can appreciate that.... that line of thinking... But... you know... I have a wife and 3 kids to feed... so I can't appreciate-" He didn't get to finish the sentence -- I was gone.

It is hardly my problem if 24-Hour doesn't give him enough money to live off of, and either way, $80 to start plus $31.99 a month for all eternity (nobody ever cancells these things) is a whole heck of a lot better than the $0 he ended up with... To make a long story short, I am now a member of L.A. Fitness, I got a better deal, they seem like better clubs, and I can go to any one in California, and I get 1 free hour of personal training, and I was the recipient of a superb sales pitch. No pressure, no guilt, just a reasonably good deal from a cheerful person who seemed genuinely pleased to be asking for my money, instead of angry that I wasn't just dishing out the cash.

-- The Shelanman
Soon to be The Skinny Shelanman!