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October 24, 2006
Misadventures in Cooking, Part IV -- We're Getting There Now...
And so the journey continues.
So, Sunday, I return from iHop... despite the yummy sauce, I feel let down. But mostly frustrated. That was definitely the primary emotion.
Fast forward about 2 days... it's Tuesday night, and I'm recovered... ready to try again. (Monday night I was exhausted when I got home... Pizza was all I could manage...)
So... Recipe du jour? Kahlua Jerk Chicken with Hawaiian-style Sweet Potatoes. Sound delicious? Again the recipe isn't that complicated -- about 7 ingredients and 3 steps. Let us begin:
Take some chicken breasts (boneless-skinless), coat them lightly with flour. Easy. Although, just a thought, but why does flower come in big paper bags with no way to reseal? Just opening the thing I got flour everywhere... anyway...
Then, dump the chicken in a skillet w/ a bit of olive oil... while the chicken was cooking (I had several 3ish minute intervals), I started the sweet potatoes. That recipe is pretty simple... take out all the ingredients and dump em in a pan. The only thing that took effort was slicing the bananas... and that's pretty darn easy.
OK, chicken's done! Actually, I think I burned one side the tiniest bit... (remember, coated in flour... that can actually burn). OK, take the chicken out, put it on a plate, and grab the rest of the ingredients to make the jerk sauce. 3/4 cup of Kahlua? Oh Yeah! Half a bottle of Jerk Marinade? Well, that's why the recipe's considered fast & easy. Brown Sugar? sweet! (sorry, couldn't resist), and... wait... am I reading this right? 2 tablespoons of Chunky Peanut Butter?!?!. O. K. Whatever, let's try it...
Mix it up... until you cook out the alcohol, then dump the chicken back in and finish cooking. Back to the potatoes I go... oops... too hot... dried up the liquid... ok... uhm... let's add a bit of water. Done. Now, drop in the macadamia nuts, and try to keep it hot till the chicken's done.
All told, cooking took 50 minutes -- way longer than the "20 minutes or less" advertised by Ms. Sandra Whatever-her-name-is-who-wrote-the-book -- but not as bad as Sunday. And now... Drum Roll Please...
Hmm... who'd have ever guessed that chunky peanut butter was just the thing to go with the coffee liqeur and the jerk marinade... but it sure is! I declare this dinner to be a complete and total success! Chicken is awesome. The hawaiian sweet potatoes are even better. The garlic bread's very meh, but whatever... I'll just eat extra potatoes.
The coolest thing about the dinner, aside from being delicious and having enough leftovers for two average-size meals, was that I honestly felt it was substantially better food than what I would have ordered had I gone out to eat. So, I didn't feel like I'd "compromised" in order to cook at home (which, while theoretically cheaper, really costs a bit more).
So... Things Are Looking Up.
Oh, and I lied.. .the coolest thing about dinner was that it didn't involve iHop.
So, this is starting to look just a bit less like a complete misadventure after all.
— The Shelanman
Posted by andrew at 09:10 PM | Comments (0)
October 23, 2006
Misadventures in Cooking, Part III
Sorry for the long delay... I somehow got sidetracked... so easy to do, I know.
So, last time, we ended with the sad, sad faded sign at the local iHop. Incidentally, that's the one near the John Wayne Airport here in Irvine. I've been there off-and-on since I moved here... I think they sometimes recognize me... anyway, they treat me pretty well, at least... they were very nice to me Saturday, which helped, because I felt like crap.
So.. on to Sunday! I've got the gear... LETS COOK!!!
So, I crack out my recipe list... what are we thinking... Aha! How about "Penne A La Vodka" -- penne pasta in a vodka-tomato-cream sauce. To be served with "Killer Shrimp Soup" and some crusty french bread. Doesn't that sound delicious? (I'm telling you, the recipe book is cool... simple-seeming recipes that sound damn good)
I learned very quickly that cooking is much harder when doing 2 things at once... The sauce required paying attention to... the soup required paying attention to... the noodles... well. they need to be stirred every 2 minutes and dumped out in 10. Sounds simple, but I was running back and forth across my (smallish) kitchen going nuts trying to keep up with the different timers and getting all the ingredients in the right pans, and remembering which spoons had gone in what. And where did I put... oh, over there...
It's kind of a shame my roommate wasn't here... he missed a hell of a show... it was just me, but it was an absolute mad house.
So... the sauce... dice some pancetta (I tell ya, the guy at Gelsons knows his stuff... I asked for the pancetta sliced kinda thin -- he said "your recipe's gonna want you to dice it... you don't use sliced pancetta" so he made thickish slices that would be kinda-ok if you diced it, but still ok if you left it as slices. smart guy. And pancetta is expensive -- good thing I only needed 3 oz... at something like $15.99/lb...) brown it in olive oil... mix in some vodka... some sauce... some cream... some parmesan. That's actually it, though on Sunday it seemed really, really hard to do.
The soup... well... the recipe seemed strange, but I don't really know... so... I'll just do what it says. Chardonnay and Clam Juice, chicken broth and red pepper... Oh No! My new spice rack doesn't have red pepper flakes... uhmm... let's try chili powder. OK... back on track... next... Italian Seasoning... sounds vague, but it's in the spice rack -- I checked -- and some pepper... and a big scoop o' garlic (yum!) mix, stir, boil, stir, ... OK, now for some Condensed Cream of Shrimp soup.
In went the soup. I was supposed to stir slowly, allow the condensed soup to decondense and thicken/make creamy the soup. Well... that's not exactly what happened. What happened instead was that the condensed soup goo (condensed soup is basically soup concentrate with a gelatinous consistency... becomes creamy in hot water) simply broke in to small pieces and floated around the pot. So, I made it hotter... stirred faster... used a fork instead of a spoon to stir... After about an hour (and with about half of the not-actually-a-soup-nasty-liquid on my, I gave up. Into the sink it went.
Oh Crap! The Noodles! (Actually, I remembered them long before the hour... don't worry... but I was a few minutes late). They were only slightly overcooked. So, I grab the collander, and dump out the penne. Out of the old crappy pasta pot comes the penne... and then the "non-stick" coating... That's right, folks! The teflon coating on the pot stuck to the noodles (and not the bottom of the pot) and ended up in the collander. Great! I can't eat teflon! It causes cancer! (I know, everything causes cancer... but do you want to eat teflon-encrusted penne? didn't think so). So, into the trash goes all but a single large handful of my noodles.
Fortunately, however, I gave up on the soup before dumping in the cooked-peeled-ready-to-eat shrimp. So, into my bowl went the handful of noodles, then a small handful of shrimp. Then I poured on the Vodka sauce, said a little prayer (well, actually, I probably said something like "this damn sauce had better be good").
And I sat down, depressed, to eat.
The thoughts running through my head went something like this: "$250 of ingredients... 7 dinners... that's $35 apiece... Great... I just wasted like $30 on this crap"
So... I viciously stabbed some noodles with my fork, and stuck it in my mouth. Damn! that sauce is awesome. Over the following 10 minutes, I regained some of my calm, as I enjoyed what ultimately became an awesome shrimp-cocktail-like appetizer.
Afterwards, my brain did the following unhappy math... "$35 worth of ingredients... became an appetizer... sure, and awesome one... so... $10? $12? Net Loss: $23-25"
To make matters worse, it's now... you guessed it... after 10:00. And I've only had an appetizer. I'm hungry still! Damn it, I'm going to get an ice-cream sundae... I need it... Wait... it's late... great... you know what that means
Yay! iHop! Cause It's So Tasty And Not Overpriced!
Damn it! Again!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Yes, that's right... iHop it is.
For the record, although the sundae tasted pretty bad (not enough fudge), it made me feel much better. Well, it and the cup of coffee.
So, I came home, exhausted -- mentally, anyway -- and decided to go to sleep.
Thus concludes Misadventures: Part III.
There's more... one more episode worthwhile has already occurred... then I'll be caught up to the present... should be up tomorrow, but we'll see.
until then, I leave you with this excellent quote from Warren Buffet that has nothing to do with food, except possibly on being able to afford more of it:
"If you can eliminate the government as a 39.6% partner, then you will be much better off."
— Warren Buffet
— The Shelanman
Posted by andrew at 10:23 PM | Comments (0)
October 16, 2006
Misadventures in Cooking, Part II
Continued from Misadventures in Cooking, Part I
So, I awoke Tuesday morning, to the not-necessarily-uplifting sound of Luca Turilli blasting over the iPod. (hey, whatever works, right?) Once I shook off the crazy dreams, I jumped up out of bed, eager to get the day going. After all, today I was going to become awesome-gourmet-chef-Shelanman, instead of just usual always-eat-out-somewhere-Shelanman.
Off to work I went, where I was only somewhat successful at getting the picture and imagined smell of dinner out of my head. What can I say, I like my food. (Hey, you haven't seen my family talk about food, have you? Under the right circumstances, the conversation over an upcoming meal could run for hours.)
While I was working, I inevitably strayed over to google... where I asked about knives... I knew I wanted a good set. Well... did Google ever have a story for me... a set of 8 knives could run as high as $2500! Worse, though, all the sets under $200 looked cheap. Hoo boy... this cooking thing wasn't going to be cheap... maybe I'd better reconsider. No Way! I was not going to give up so easily! Besides... my birthday is coming up. Maybe I can suggest some cutlery as a good gift. But that meant waiting 3 more weeks.
The decision was taken from me for the moment though, as work ran late... in what would turn out to be a week full of long and tiring (good and successful, but long and tiring) days. Alas, but becoming awesome-chef-Shelanman had to wait... until... Saturday!
I awoke Saturday morning eager to begin my new adventure. I had taken stock of the kitchen, and made a list of gear and gadgets I needed, and ran off to shop. I swear, the entry seemed simple enough "good large skillet, with lid" But what the hell is a good skillet. Is it non-stick? Teflon? NSF Certified? Stainless Steel? Anodized Aluminum? "Infused-Anodized?" (I'm not sure what it is that's anodized, or what it's infused with... that's just what the $120 skillet said on the box...)
After much consultation with people who cook, I decided on a Hard-Anodized-Aluminum Non-Stick skillet that happened to be on sale for $40. For cutlery... I settled on a spiffy set of J. A. Henkels knives, because they came with a set of steak knives for just $10 extra as a bonus (and because several people had recommended that brand -- though I couldn't tell what made one line better or worse than another).
Off I went through the kitchen gadgets, faithfully buying everything on my list... and everything else that looked useful "ooh! cool spinning spice rack. Comes with all the spices already! add it to the pile!
Well... at the checkout counter, they tallied my results... after about 2 and a half hours of somewhat frustrating (too many options, not enough knowledge) shopping, I'd spent $450 on kitchen goodies! Yeaouch!!! Ah well.. now for the funner part: buying all the foods to make my dinners.
Off to the market I go. Down this aisle "hmm... I don't even know what pearl onions are... ooh, here they are" to "what's the difference between crushed chili, chili powder, and chili rub" which became "hmm... where to they keep the garlic, anyway" , and then "damn... the meat counter's closed already" , and then... eventualy "What the $%&#... they're out of lettuce and cauliflower!?!"
It's now about 9:30... I've been out buying stuff for like 5 and a half hours... I'm still missing like 15 ingredients... (everything from lettuce to shrimp, to a particular flavor of campbells soup to corn meal to something called Pancetta which turned out to be the Italian version of Canadian Bacon) but I've scoured the store, and they don't have any of them... So I head to the checkout counter, where I place my 50 different cans of stuff, piles of meat, packages of pasta on the conveyer, followed by the alcohol: 1 bottle cheap red wine (beef burgundy), one bottle cheap Chardonnay (shrimp soup), 1 bottle vodka (Penne A la Vodka), 1 bottle Kahlua (Kahlua chicken), 1 bottle dry vermouth (what, exactly *is* dry vermouth... anyway... for... something... I forget), and 1 bottle Jim Beam Bourbon (Bourbon Baked Beans).
The guy gives me this look... "well, what are you doing tonight" he asks, with a bit of a smirk on his face... Now... I admit, that is a rather bizarre selection of alcohol... 1 bottle of each, and not a good mix... certainly not the right collection for bringing to a party... but then, I wasn't going to a party... and you wouldn't bring a 50oz can of Swanson's Low Sodium Chicken Broth to a party either... or, at least, I wouldn't. So I look at the guy and say "actually, it's for cooking. He just rolls his eyes at the idiot who can't pick out liquor for a party and says "yeah... right." He shakes his head, removes the little security things from the top of the bottles, and says "got a Ralphs card? good... that'll be... $219.50"
!!
I just spent over $200 on ingredients to make seven dinners and I'm still missing all sorts of stuff And, to make matters worse, it's now 10:20... too late to start cooking dinner... and I'm too tired anyway... great, by the time I put all this away, it'll be too late to go anywhere but...
Yay! iHop! Cause It's So Tasty And Not Overpriced!
but it's "OPEN HOURS", according to the paper sign whose red "24" faded years ago...
Oh well, there's always... tomorrow... at least I only spent... oh... wait... I spent just a few bucks shy of $700 today... tomorrow, then...
to be continued
I'm going to keep going... I'll post again tomorrow -- daily until I catch up, then only when something interesting happens.
—The Shelanman
Posted by andrew at 09:10 PM | Comments (0)
October 15, 2006
Misadventures in Cooking, Part I
Hail, faithful reader! You are indeed a faithful reader of mine if you caught this post, the first in many moons,
I'm going to start writing again, both because I need the practice, and because I think I have something interesting to talk about again. Well, it's interesting and funny to me... we'll have to see if any of you find it so.
You see, having finally solved the roommate dilemma, I decided to try my hand at cooking again. I figured this time, I'd go for a bit higher-quality food, even though it meant more effort, because the main reason I gave up cooking the last time is that it was a lot of effort for food that really didn't taste all that good anyway...
It all began on Monday, October 8th. I was riding home from work, feeling all excited about my newfound take on cooking... I was eager to begin. So... I said to myself... what should I make? Well, myself responded... I don't really know how to make anything good (except for that pasta sauce with sausage that seems to have become a staple in my family. Aha! I know, I thought... I'll go buy a cookbook... one that has things that are fairly easy to make, but still taste good!
And thus the journey began; I turned my car around, and headed for the nearest Barnes & Noble, where I bypassed the usual Science Fiction and Fantasy aisle for the "Home" section. As I left the center of the store, I noticed that guys became suddenly scarce... at the same time, the number of books with pink covers was growing precipitously... I had entered the chick section. Well... I wasn't going to let a thing like being the only guy in sight avert me... and so, I found the cookbook section. After much browsing, I settled on one that promised great-tasting "Semi Homemade" dinners in 20 minutes or less. I flipped through the pages, and saw tasty (and, of course, beautiful) dish after tasty dish...
I grabbed a few other books to compare... while some of them looked fancier, and others looked simpler, I didn't find anything else that promised the tastiness of the semi-homemade book in anywhere near the time... most of the "easy meals" books were either 30 or 45 minutes... and most of them had dishes that looked more boring... (OK, maybe it's just the pictures and the names... I mean... the Killer Shrimp Soup looked really, really good... as did the Kahlua chicken dish... so I left the store, eager to begin.
I was on my way to the grocery store, when I realized that I had no idea what to buy... and that I needed to buy some kitchen gear. I had one pot, no knives, no kitchen tools... my roommate brought stuff, but I hadn't looked at it yet. So, I settled on the next-best course: have one last dinner eaten out, and flip through the cookbook, choosing recipes and making an ingredient list. Then I'd go to the store on my way home, and then get kitchen goodies on my way home from work the next day.
All excited, I sat through a mediocre meal at Pat & Oscars looking at the yummy things I was going to cook for the rest of the week... Gnocchi with chicken in a Gorgonzola mushroom cream sauce... Penne in a tomato-vodka-cream sauce, served with the Killer Shrimp Soup and fresh bread, Chili-Rubbed BBQ Pork Chops with Bourbon Baked Beans and Cheesy Cauliflower Au Gratin... I planned out 7 dinners (expecting to have 1 full serving of leftovers after each (the recipes looked to be for about 3-4 people... so even if my roommate shared, there should be enough for me to have a second meal)...
I got in my car, all excited to get started, when I realized it was 10:00, and I hadn't even been home yet... So, I just headed home, figuring I'd go shopping on Tuesday... Sure, I'd had a lousy Pat & Oscars meal (I never love Pat & Oscars, but it was particularly disappointing that day... although it may have been due to the delicious pictures in my book), but, as an animated Indian liquor store clerk once said, "tomorrow is the next day," and the new gourmet-chef version of me was about to rise. I got home, rolled in to bed, and dreampt of... actually, I don't remember... other than a vague impression that the dreams were disturbing...
to be continued
I'll try to write up the next part tomorrow... until then. good night, and good eats.
—The Shelanman
Posted by andrew at 10:47 PM | Comments (0)